



Two Pygmey brothers were recently discovered living in a hedge outside the town of Clones. They were discovered last Tuesday morning by local anthropologist Coimheen McQuigley who described the two brothers as 'lovely wee chaps'. They had been spotted on previous occasions by a local turnip farmer who's eyesight is so bad that he thought they were 'them auld Jahova Witnesses after his turnips'. Coimheen McQuigley then contacted the local branch of National Geographic in Clones who were straight out to the brothers' hedge 'for te get a snap of the wee lads livin in the hedge out the road'. The two brothers are now staying in the Mrs McQuigleysmigly's bed and breakfast until Clones urban district council find them more suitable accommodation. A spokesman for the council told De Midlander that 'them wee lads is goin to find it fierce hard to blend in among the locals who have never seen the like of a pair a wee lads wearin a dress with a turnip comin out from their nether regions'.
A Fine Bone China shop in Granard has decided to hire Cows due a shortage or 'suit'ably qualified China sales representatives. The Cows will travel around Longford and surrounding coutries selling Fine Bone China to Tourists. The shop owner, Mr Bo Vine, told De Midlander that he felt the cows would increase China sales by at least 400% in the next 8 weeks.
People from Cavan can now 'Live the American Dream' as plans for the first Skyscraper in the county got the go ahead from Cavan Town Council last night. The Skyscraper will be built next to the Mart and will command stunning views of the Kenny Pottle and 'out as far as Shercock'. Local town councilor, John James Seamus Brady Reilly said outside the courthouse last night that the Skyscraper was going to be 'only qhuge' and was going to 'cost a bomb to build'. Local estate agent, Seamus John James PJ Brady told press that the apartments would be selling at 6 million euros a square foot and that he thought this kind of structure would blend in very well with the surrounding houses.